Honest to God, can some one please dispose of this mouth vacuum I possess? Lack of control is not sexy, and yet I scoop up a bag of corn nuts like it's nobody's biz-nass. It's like this cruel combination of my taste buds getting a food high from this snack-a-thon, but at the same time my ears are hearing this awfulcrunch. gulp. crunch. gulp.
It's so cringing to listen to myself chew, and yet I ignore it. I ignorrrre the fact, this tasty... I mean, fat-causing, barbecue snack will go to my thighs and sit there waiting for the next round. How I lose a pound a day, I don't know. I consume these crunchy critters on a daily basis. Okay, sometimes I switch it up and eat Nabisco 100 cal snack packs of chocolate covered pretzels or shortbread cookies. Yummy n low cal right? Wrong. Sure, a hundred cals, that's nadda. But try eating 3 packs, that's 300 calories sittin in your belly already! Do I do that? No. But hey, I believe I've made my point.
My explanation is simple. Calories add up. Simple as 2x2. If I keep eating 100 cal items through out the day, my tummy's not gonna be lil red riding hood happily skipping through the forest. It's gonna be the big bad wolf, scarfing down greasy pigs in a blanket, slowly expanding into the size of a brick house! That's how it's been lately.
It started on Friday during dinner with my ma-mae at GladStone's restaurant in the Palisades. Let me tell you, I was NOT "glad" to be at gladstones. I was panicking like a runt of a puppy litter being picked up by a stranger. And my mom isn't the somber type when it comes to my eating disorder. She's Force Feeding Moody McMooderson about it ALL THE TIME.
" Are you SERIOUSLY freaking out about mashed potatoes? Let me help you." *SPLAT* More butter on those mashies. " And have part of my steak." The knife sliding on the plate sounded like nails on a chalkboard. *SECOND SPLAT* " Here ya go, sweetie", she said the word 'sweetie' in a vengful tone and it caused me so much guilt.
I sat there with my the fronts of my eyebrows slanted upward and my mouth in the shape of a disappointed pout. Like a puppy that's just been punished for barking too loud. Something so innocent, yet found to be annoying by a second party.
I have no excuse though. I should have shoved away that plate of mashies and slaughtered cow. That fatty texture and that soft cloud full of butter. But I didn't. I consumed it like a real girl. And you know what? It's all my fault.
you are very well with words. the way you describe things.. you are a natural writer. what a horrid thing to say though. it is not all your fault. to me it just seemed like you did not want to put up the fight with you so non-understanding mother. i would have done the same thing. i kinda like it when i have those days btw. i go for weeks restricting..then one weekend i will just fall off..eat everything..(which is "normal" eating to everyone else) and then get right back into my restricting. it actually helps. yah you might gain acouple pounds in the begining. but when you start restricting...it just melts off. so dont put yourself down for that. it might just boost your metab! <3
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